Twin Lakes Golf Course, 70 Elkway, Mtn. Home, AR 72653 GOLF HUMOR

	Home       Directions       Rates & Fees       Score Card       Course Layout       Tournaments       Calendars       Club House       TLG Assoc       Links       Site Map For Serious Tiger Wood's Fans Official Website Has Nike Gone Too Far? David Letterman's Golf Top Ten Lists: Top Ten Tiger Woods Excuses Tiger Woods Pet Peeves Signs Tiger Woods Is Overconfident World's Shortest Fairy Tale: Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" The girl replied, "No." And the guy lived happily ever after playing a lot of golf. The End. Paul Harvey: "Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore', shoot six, and write down five." A Mulligan in Scotland An American golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews, Scotland sliced his opening drive out of bounds. He tees another one up and smacks it down the middle. The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him that in America that is called a "Mulligan." He asks if there is a name for it in Scotland. The caddy replies, "AYE, we call it a three." 10 Best Caddie Replies # 10 - Golfer: " I Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?" # 9 - Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth." # 8 - Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now." # 7 - Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually." # 6 - Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence." # 5 - Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch. It's a compass." # 4 - Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf." # 3 - Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day." # 2 - Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago." # 1 Best Caddy Comment Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old," Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir." Ball Information: If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~Jack Lemmon It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. ~Mark Twain For most golfers, the only difference between a one-dollar ball and a three-dollar ball is two dollars. An extra ball in the pocket is worth two strokes in the bush. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours. Never wash your ball on the tee of a water hole. You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put straight" on the ball. May thy ball lie in green pastures -- and not in still waters. ~Saint Titleist		Golf Humor has always been on the golf course, in the club house & in locker rooms. Members may submit "clean" funny stories, jokes, & photos or cartoons to "support at tlga.org" [Submitted by Fellow Members] A gushy reporter told Phil Michelson, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?" Michelson replied, "The holes are numbered." Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks,"Ma'am, is that your husband?" "Yes", says the woman. "Did you hit him with that golf club?" "Yes, yes I did." The woman be gins to sobs and drops the club, and puts her hands on her face. "How many times did you hit him?" "I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times....just put me down for a five." SIGN POSTED AT A GOLF CLUB IN SCOTTSDALE, AZ 1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART. 2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP. 3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN. 4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING. 5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER. 6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE. 7. IF TAKING TOO LONG, PLEASE LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU. 8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS. 9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING TO GO. 10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES. WELL DONE - NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF The Born Loser by Art & Chip Sanson www.unitedmedia.com Figure It Out Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. Then, the next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink. Tough Love Sally was playing a round of golf with the club pro one day. After 18 holes they went into the clubhouse where Sally asked the pro, "What do you think of my game?" The pro, after careful deliberation, replied, "I think you should layoff for a couple of weeks and then quit!" You’re a golfaholic if ... You think that some day you'll shoot your age, when a more realistic goal would be to shoot your weight!    Or,   You know there's more to life than golf, but you have no interest in finding out what it is! Music to My Ears The man that invented "golf" and said that it was "fun" is the same guy that invented 'bagpipes" and said it was "music." The greatest sound in golf is the Woosh, Woosh, Woosh, of your opponent's club as he hurls it across the fairway. Easy Game Golf is an easy game... it's just hard to play. You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Submitted by Dave Ellibee Handicap Play Never subtract so many strokes on any one hole that you wind up with the honor on the next hole. The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil. Religious Leaving the church on Sunday, a man asks his priest, "Father, is it a sin to play golf on Sunday?........."My son", says the priest, "I have seen you play golf and for you it is a sin any day." A "Gimme" is an agreement between two golfers...neither of whom can putt very well. Gimme A man and his wife ended up playing in a tournament against each other. The wife was a good mid handicap player but she had never scored in the 70's. On the 18th green she has a put for a 79. After an interminable wait she is ready and says, "if I make this putt, we are going to have a celebration dinner and then I will make your wildest fantasy come true". "What do you think?" He says, "looks like a gimme"! Mulligan: Contraction of the phrase "maul it again." Confused by Numbers In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers...they shoot a "six," yell "fore" and write "five". Submitted by TJ Lawson Want more humor? Click Now Laws of Golf & Truisms of Golf
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